1. Welcome, and before we begin – please accept our apologies. Your four-hour nightmare wait at passport control should not be taken as a symptom of Britain's contempt for foreigners. It is merely a symptom of a woeful lack of spending on a key aspect of travel infrastructure in the run-up to a hugely important event. In other words, it's the government that hates you. Don't worry, they hate us too.
2. Similarly, Katy Perry was initially granted a visa to perform at the show in Shanghai but Chinese officials soon changed their mind. This, it has been claimed, is because the singer carried a Taiwanese flag and wore a dress covered in sunflowers during a 2015 concert in Taiwan.
'Winning the Skytrax World's Best Airport Award for the fifth consecutive year is immense encouragement to our 50,000-strong airport community at Changi Airport, every one of whom is passionate about delivering the most memorable airport experience to our passengers', said Lee Seow Hiang, CEO of Changi Airport Group, in a statement.